Stories from the field

Hello all,

Things are still well in Cao Bang. I have an overwhelming amount of work to do in these next two week, not the least of which is finishing two proposals for our next phases of our project, so I really don't have much time to write – nor anything very interesting to say, unless you like conversing about logframes, budget narratives, direct and indirect beneficiaries, Gantt Charts, stakeholder forums and management hypotheses.

I didn't think so.

So instead, I'd like to take my weekly space in your life to share a story written by one of our confidential hotline and internet counseling service counselors…the words are in their original translation from Vietnamese and I hope this will give you glimpse into the work that one of our components does on a daily basis. So may I introduce Phuong who will tell you about her daily work:

I am a counselor working Confidential Hotline and Internet Counseling (CHIC) component of Adolescents Choose Health Initiatives project conducted by ADRA in Vietnam. My job in here is delivering counseling via internet and hotline with the service named Tu Van Tuoi Hoa. The counseling topics include knowledge on reproductive health, life skills, bad affect of using stimulant (drug, tobacco, alcohol) providing information, etc. Our focus clients are adolescents. We help them acquire more knowledge and skills, then they can apply this knowledge in their living to lead a healthier life. Up to now, I have been working in here for more than two years. During the time working in here, I have had many memories with different state of emotion, happiness or sadness, after each counseling case. Today, I am sharing you some counseling cases so that you will understand more about what we are working on and aware of Cao Bang adolescents' expectations.

This is a story about an eighteen - years - old girl living in Cao Bang.

Client: Chị ơi! I'm very sad. I feel myself worthless/useless. I can't do anything, even I can't wash my face, my body, …by my own without my mother's help. I really want to die. ( Dec. 24, 2004)

Client: Chị ơi! Today, some children who are living in my hamlet ridiculed me as a "crippler". I 'm very sad. I only want to die! (Dec. 27, 2004)

Client: Chị ơi! Why do all family members disregard me. They show no notice/attention to what I say. Is it because I am a disable person, not go to school and I'm their burden? I only want to die. Can you tell me how to die quickly? (Dec. 31, 2004)

Client: Chị ơi! I'm very miserable! There's no one beside me now. Everyone works all day. There's only me with a T.V as a friend. Can you give me a little bit of your time to talk to me? (May 12, 2005)

Client : Chị ơi! Today, I just composed a very beautiful poem. I'll read to you and please give your comments! (July 13, 2006)

Those are some of calls to Tu Van Tuoi Hoa from the girl. Not lucky as other people, she was disable child from birth so it's very difficult for her to move by herself and she can't do anything, even the personal task (like brush tooth, wash face, go to restroom, etc.). She didn't go to school as other children at her age. From very young, she has been living in feeling of inferiority complex about her situation. She really feels miserable when the children at same age as her call her crippler whenever they see her out of her house.

Every day, her mother go to the market (to earn money to afford the family), her brothers and sisters are studying away from home. Her parents were divorced and her father married another woman. So, she stays at home alone and makes friend with a TV. She feels sad because nobody understands her thought and listens to what she says or shares her thoughts, dreams, things she like or dislike, etc. Life in her eyes is so boring, she only want to die to save herself (as she is thinking)

One day, when she was watching TV, she heard about Tu Van Tuoi Hoa in the advertisement. From then on, she keeps calling to Tu Van Tuoi Hoa. At the beginning, she showed herself as a pessimist and always talked about death. Sometimes, she even tried to eat paper, she didn't have meal or she hit her head against the wall, etc. to hurt herself.

With the girl's situation, CHIC staffs are all sympathetic for her. Every time when she called to us we listened what she said, what she felt, showed our sympathy to her situation. After such several of phone calls, we had her trust and persuaded her look into the value of life.

When having someone to talk to, listen to, and show the sympathy with her current situation, she feels like she is still meaningful /valued in this living and her sorrow is eased. From that, she feels happier and gains the belief in life.

After many days, many months, Tu Van Tuoi Hoa become her close friend, we share her knowledge, experience in life. She no longer feels her life is useless and finds out that there are several things needed to discover. Up to now, she is happier. She can compose poems, songs by herself when inspiration appears. We also share her joy and happiness.

She wants to invite Tu Van Tuoi Hoa counselors to come and see her at her house. We visited her house and witnessed her living. Looking at a smile on the face of a small disable girl who moves difficultly when she saw us, we feel very happy. Although, we didn't do any specific thing for her but we did partly help her get out of her hopeless feeling.

Editor's Note: these stories are a bit dated; the girl in the above story continues to be a regular caller and contact of the Tu Van Tuoi Hoa counseling hotline, but as a friendly contact only. She is studying Chinese and our counselors still regularly visit her and take her books and things for her studies.

That is the story about a disable adolescent. The following story is about another adolescent. Even the second girl is not a disable but she also has a miserable/pitiable life.

She was a 15-years-old girl studying in a Middle School in Cao Bang town. When she called us, she was very sad because she was off school for days. The reason why she didn't go to school was her stepmother was upset at her, yelled at her and said that she didn't allow her to study anymore and she would tell the school about that. She thought what her stepmother had said was true, so she didn't go to school for 4 days. When her friends in school talked with her, she knew that her stepmother didn't go to school to tell the school. She really wanted to return to school but she didn't have enough courage to be back.

Her life now is very miserable and unhappy. Her parents were divorced when she was very younger. Her mother got married with another man. She lived with her father. Soon after, her father had a new wife (her current stepmother). However, not longer after her father was serious sick and died. Because her stepmother treat her so cold (didn't show her care at all), so she hurt and she lead a very sullen life. She always sank in sorrow and had a complex feeling among her friends.

When hearing about her situation, I really moved. I wish I were a fairy and had magic like in a fairy tale. So, I would help her dream - having a happy life come true.

We know that we couldn't have magic but we were happy because after receiving our counseling, she had more positive eye for her life and accept her situation. She studied hard to overcome her current situation. She really want to attend the extra-class (out of the school class that teacher provide students to help them consolidate their knowledge or provide them more lesson/exercise) to learn more knowledge but no one asked the teacher for her. She asked help from Tu Van Tuoi Hoa if we could do anything for her to attend the extra-class. And of course, we didn't refuse such a meriting request/demand.

Although our help was very small compared to what she has experienced in her life, but we felt more pleasant when we can bring her a very small but very useful support.

Deep fried rice

Do you like your rice?
Do you like it coming 'round twice?

How do you like your rice?
Try deep-fried - it's kind of nice!

As I enter my fifth year of living in rice-is-not-just-a-staple-but-a-small-(or not so small)-demi-god countries, I thought I had seen it all. I've had my rice, once, twice, three times a day. I've had it dry, I've had it soupy, I've had it sticky, I've had it salted, sweet and served with vinegar sauce. I've had it boiled, baked, steamed and fried Chinese-style. I've had it white, red and dyed blaze orange. I've had it in mountains and I've had it neat little bowls. I've eaten it with spoons and I've eaten it with chopsticks. I've even eaten it with my fingers. I thought I could not be surprised.

And yet, there it was - the new permutation - that surprised us at lunch the other day.

If you scroll back a few blog posts, you'll see my discussion of "Chung Cake" or bành chung, the baked/steamed sticky-rice cake that is so popular during the Lunar New Year. Well, ever tried to get rid of that leftover fruitcake? I've heard stories of what people have done. We had five cakes, and we can only eat so much of that stuff. IT's good, but really. We considered giving our leftover cakes to the street lady who sleeps on the corner. But apparently the rest of the community already had that idea. Chung Cake can't be thrown out, or given to dogs. They've already had too much. So, there it sat, in our fridge, waiting for us to get brave enough to either eat it or do something about it.

We weren't fast enough. One day for lunch time we came down to find the usual assortment of plates sitting on the table, prepared by our devoted cook. Tomoko and I uncovered them one by one, and when we got to the last, we paused, shrugged as Kieu's never presented us with anything too inedible, dished up the rice fresh from the rice cooker, and tucked in to the variety on the table.

Tomoko and I didn't discuss it, but we both assumed that the unidentified plate was breaded fish. She was the first to spear a fillet off the plate. I reached for one as she took a bite - and I asked how the fish was. She paused mid-bite, looked at the crumbly-covered square thoughtfully, then announced, "This isn't fish, it's rice."

So - you Madagascar PCVs, we have officially found the worst possible loaka (topping, dish to accompany) for your rice - breaded and deep-fried rice. I think that beats the rice-potatoes-pasta meal any day.

When considered by itself, deep-fried rice isn't all that bad. Since the cake is made from sticky rice, it's definately solid enough to hold it's shape. It makes for convenient eating when fried, but it basically tastes like it sounds - deep-fried rice.

Do you like your rice?
Do you like it coming 'round twice?

How do you like your rice?
Try deep-fried - it's kind of nice!

Marriage in the Year of the Golden Pig

This week we had the joyous opportunity to celebrate the marriage of one of my young staff members, in this, the Year of the Golden Pig.

I'm not going to pretend to understand much about Chinese astrology, but I know that this is the Year of the Golden Pig, and that Lam and her new husband were told that their lucky date for marriage in this year was March 8th. I couldn't help but note that is also the date for International Women's Day - a day treated almost like a second Valentine's Day here for all of the flowers and gifts and jewelry given to women. I hope that bodes good luck for a strong and equal partnership in this wedding.

So, what does a Vietnamese wedding consist of? Lots of food, and lots of alcohol (though in our case our glasses only contained sprite, much to the consternation of a very drunk uncle - the bar was officially closed when we got there.)

Actually, it starts early for the bride, who's business it is to become something of a cross between a fairy and a princess. I am amazed at the amazing transformations that take place in these already beautiful young women. They are absolute artists in applying makeup and arranging hairstyles to become that ethereal goddess-for-a-day that so many American high-school prom girls strive for. The difference here is, they achieve it. Then the photography captures the fairy-tale moment in such a way that the wedding photos you see hanging in homes are not in fact the pictures of the everyday people living everyday lives in the house.

Then it is off to the bride's family's home for the first meet-greet-and eat events. We were originally invited to the bride's party as she's our staff member, but as it was during working hours and we all couldn't attend, we begged to be deferred to the afternoon event in honor of the groom. That was granted - and then we only arrived as the very last guests to come to eat. There were still plenty of people there enjoying the vodka that still flowed freely. The bride and groom then graced our table with their presence for a meal - my first question was how many times they had been forced to do this during the day. The staff assured me that in fact, this was probably the first chance the couple had had a chance to sit down and eat anything all day. That made me feel better and we gladly dug into the wedding feast.

The hall had emptied out by the time we finished eating (limiting alcohol will do that). I asked what would happen next - if the couple was free to retire after that. One of my staff members said that on her wedding day the couple went to the wedding chamber after the dinner had ended only to discover several of her aunts asleep on the bed. Well, apparently it's a piece of good luck for lots of relatives (female relatives) to "nap" on the wedding bed in order to ensure lots of children to the family. But somehow falling asleep on the bed on the wedding night seems to be more along the lines of bad luck in my opinion...

Well, I hope we managed to scare off the sleepy relatives before we left, and we said our farewells to the happy but exhausted looking couple and left them to do whatever Vietnamese newlyweds can (or want to) do on their first night together.